


silence is my self defense

by Knightblazer



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Bruce Banner Angst, Bruce Banner Has Issues, F/M, Happy Ending, Iron Man 3 Compliant, M/M, Multi, Open Relationships, Past Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-15
Updated: 2016-07-15
Packaged: 2018-07-24 05:08:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7495044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Knightblazer/pseuds/Knightblazer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>He knew right then that once wouldn’t be enough, would never be enough. He’d fall over and over again if he could, just so he would be caught by Tony. </i>
</p><p>
  <i>Perhaps in a way, that had been the beginning of the end. </i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	silence is my self defense

**Author's Note:**

  * For [floodplain](https://archiveofourown.org/users/floodplain/gifts).



> So this fic was written a bit under two years ago as birthday gift and while it was given (by which I mean I put it on google docs and showed it), I always had the intention of cleaning this up a bit before putting it up. ...obviously I kind of failed at that, due to school kicking my ass big time back then. But since that time I've graduated and got a proper job and finally did come back to this but at this point I'm also kind of going 'fuck it, I'll just put it for people to read', so yeah. Good job self, etc.
> 
> Title of this fic comes from the [31_days](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) comm at livejournal. This fic is also sort-of-kind-of a sequel to [the ashes underneath your nails](http://archiveofourown.org/works/769081), a much earlier work of mine, but can be essentially read as a standalone on its own. Please do forgive all the tense/grammar errors, and I hope you enjoy the fic!

_Stay with me,_ Tony had told him. _Stay with me. I’ve got you._

Bruce doesn’t know how long it had been since he could believe words like that, since he could allow himself to fall so deeply once more. A part of him knows that he shouldn’t give in like this, shouldn’t let himself be caught by Tony. But it had been so long and Bruce knows that he can trust Tony despite everything, and so he had taken that chance. Had let himself fall after years of struggling to stay upright, and that fall had honestly been amazing. 

He knew right then that once wouldn’t be enough, would never be enough. He’d fall over and over again if he could, just so he would be caught by Tony. 

Perhaps in a way, that had been the beginning of the end.

* * *

The first time he met Pepper Potts was right after the battle of New York. 

Tony had managed to wheedle the promise of staying a few days with him after Thor had brought Loki off with him back to Asgard, even though back then Bruce should have known better. But the temptation of good company and a welcoming enough space offered by Tony was something Bruce really couldn’t turn down, so he found himself standing awkwardly at the entrance of the penthouse of Stark Tower trying not to stare at the Loki-shaped crater that the Other Guy had left there along with the rest of the damage that the place had apparently inflicted. 

Standing in the middle of said damage, however, was the woman herself, now just as famous as Tony ever since her take over as CEO of Stark Industries. Bruce had read a lot about her in the newspapers he could find while going around the world, and found himself a little surprised at how close she actually looked to the photographs. It felt like one of those rare cases where expectations actually did meet reality. 

Tony paused in his impromptu tour of the place and went over to where she was. “Hey Pep,” he went, flashing her a crooked smile once he was close enough for her to see.

Potts gave a smile back in return, but even from where he was Bruce could easily see how red-rimmed her eyes were. He was sure that Tony could see it as well, even if the man didn’t comment on it; instead he simply pulled her into a hug and kissed her cheek. Potts hugged him back in return, her face briefly buried in her boyfriend’s shoulder. The entire gesture felt incredibly tender to Bruce’s eyes, and for a moment he couldn’t help but think about Betty. He hadn’t contacted her at all since Harlem—hadn’t quite dared to, really. He didn’t want to ruin her world yet again after all that she had been through.

He pushed those thoughts away before they got any further down the line, pointedly looking away at the same time. He didn’t want to intrude on what was clearly a private moment between Tony and his loved one. In fact, Bruce still couldn’t help but wonder why Tony even invited him here at all. After everything that had happened he should be spending more time with her, not—well. Not bring strangers to his doorstep instead, in a manner of speaking. 

A cough got his attention then, and Bruce turned back to see Tony looking at him in amusement. He still had his arms wound around Pepper’s waist. “Didn’t know you were so shy, Banner,” the man remarked, the amusement on his face now bleeding into his voice. 

Bruce quirked a wry smile in response to that. “I didn’t want to intrude,” he returned. “I’m sure you have a lot to talk about with Miss Potts.”

Tony made a face at ‘Miss Potts’, as if he wasn’t sure what to feel about hearing that name. “Just call her Pepper. Miss Potts makes her sound so old.”

Potts gave Tony a light smack on the shoulder at that point. “Don’t try to push your luck,” she scolded him, exasperation clear in her tone. When all Tony did in return was to roll his eyes, she gave him another light smack and proceeded to wriggle out of his arms. 

“Peppe _rrrrrrrrrr_ ,” Tony whined out her name the moment she managed to get out, but Potts emphatically ignored him and walked up to Bruce instead. Up close now he could see the bags under her eyes, the way her eyes were slightly red from the lack of sleep. She must have been really worried about Tony, he thinks. 

She gave Bruce a small smile. “Thank you for helping Tony,” she started, and the gratitude took Bruce by surprise. He hadn’t really done much of anything, after all. To him, there was no reason why he deserved such praise. He tried to protest as much, but she continued to speak before he could voice out anything. “Please do feel free to stay for as long as you wish. It’s the least we can do after what you’ve done.”

Bruce suddenly couldn’t help but feel even more awkward. “I’m just here for a few days,” he said quickly, wanting to clarify himself somehow. “I don’t want to get in the way.”

Potts’s smile grew slightly wider at the words. “You’re not in the way. If anything, Tony’s glad that he has somebody to talk shop with properly,” she assured him, “It’s not every day when that happens. I do hope you can make yourself comfortable here.”

Bruce was pretty sure that wasn’t going to be possible for him, but he didn’t voice it out—he didn’t want to be rude after all this hospitality they’re showing to him. And besides, he was only going to be here for a while. “I’ll do my best.”

She gave a nod in return. “Don’t hesitate to ask for anything if you need it,” she said, and then extended her hand to him for a much belated handshake. “Virginia Potts. But do feel free to call me Pepper, like Tony mentioned.” 

“I think I’ll just stick to Miss Potts instead, if that’s alright,” he returned as he took her hand and they properly shook hands. Nicknames just seemed too… personal, and Bruce hardly knew her. It just didn’t feel right to him even if they were alright with it. It just wasn’t his thing. 

He could hear Tony letting out an unimpressed snort from where he was. “You’re such a bore, Banner,” he drawled out as he walked back over to where Bruce was, half-draping himself over Pepper once he was close. 

Potts gave a sigh at the words. “Please don’t take what he says to heart. He usually doesn’t mean them half the time,” she finished saying, and then proceeded to get herself out of Tony’s grip once more. 

Tony whined Pepper’s name once more and tried to keep her in his grasp, and Bruce watched the two of them as they interacted, unable to wholly keep down the jealously that he was feeling towards them now. Here we was, unable to reach out to the woman he loved for possible the rest of his life, now having to watch a couple so clearly in love with one another. He was happy for them—but it was hard to not feel just a little bit angry, not at them but at himself. If he hadn’t been a fool, if he had been more careful, then could he have had this, too?

He stopped himself once more before his thoughts got even darker than they already had. This wasn’t the time or place for it. Right now, he was thankful enough that he did have this chance—although privately he would have to tell himself not to hold onto this for long. It wouldn’t end well then and they didn’t deserve that.

* * *

It takes him far longer than he should to finally bring up the question that had been haunting him ever since he woke up this morning naked and being held in Tony’s arms. 

“What about Pepper?”

Tony looks up from the holographic model that he’s studying, raising an eyebrow at Bruce. “What about her?” he asks back in return. 

Bruce presses his lips together and tries not to make a face. Trying to talk about this is probably one of the most uncomfortable things that Bruce has ever done in his life—and that’s saying a lot. “She… does she know?” he eventually managed to get the question out, although he knows for sure it should have been worded better.

Fortunately, Tony at least seems to get it, although his response is not exactly what Bruce had been expecting. “Yeah, she does,” he returns as he looks back down to the model, sounding quite flippant about it, and even waves off the question idly after saying that. “Don’t worry about it.”

“It’s a bit hard to not worry about it,” Bruce snaps back, not really thinking, unable to fully conceal his emotions. He should have known better than to sleep with Tony while Pepper’s out of town. Now it just feels like he had taken advantage or something and abused Pepper’s trust in him. Bruce felt like the most horrible person alive here.

Tony pauses in opening his mouth, apparently having noticed the tone of Bruce’s voice. He doesn’t say anything at first, only looking back up once more and looking at Bruce for a few moments. Bruce can’t say he feels entirely well and comfortable there and then when Tony looks at him as such, and he shifts uneasily at where he’s standing. Bruce was well aware that he did come off as pretty harsh just now, but this was a pretty serious issue to him—as well as Tony. Going around sleeping together in all senses of the term when Tony clearly already had somebody significant in his life was just… Bruce wouldn’t have done it in a million years, if he had a chance to make a rational decision back there.

Obviously, he hadn’t been anywhere close to rational when last night happened.

After what seems to be like a very long time, Tony finally speaks. “You didn’t… _cheat_ on her or anything, if that’s what you’re worried about,” he manages, sounding clearly uncomfortable while he talks. Bruce would feel apologetic about it if he could, but this is a serious issue. He doesn’t want to ruin things between Tony and Pepper just because of something he had done in the heat of the moment—Bruce doesn’t think he can ever forgive himself if that actually happens.

He frowns at the words, feeling a mix of relief as well confusion at what Tony says; relief since apparently he didn’t do anything wrong, and then confusion over _why_ he wasn’t doing anything wrong. He had slept with Tony behind Pepper’s back; that much was clear to him. Wasn’t that wrong by itself? 

His confusion must have been showing through on his face, if the way Tony responds after looking at him is of any indication. The man glances away and lets out a sound of frustration before scratching the back of his head. “Look, I really don’t know how to explain it, alright?” he says, said frustration showing in his voice as well. “Just ask Pepper when she comes back tonight. She explains this stuff better than I ever will.”

If Tony is expecting Bruce to feel comforted after hearing that, he pretty much has another thing coming. Bruce, if anything, only feels even more panicked after being told those words, and he stares at Tony with an expression of utter disbelief. “Ask her?” It’s all he can do to just echo the words back, unable to say anything more.

“Yeah,” Tony says as he steps away from where he had been working, picking up one of the mugs of coffee that had been abandoned sometime earlier in the week. “Ask her. And if you’re still confused after that, then just ask me to clarify or something; not that I think I have to. Like I said, she’s much better at this than I am.” 

With a mug in hand now Tony makes his way towards the elevator, its doors opening once Tony was in proximity of them. He steps inside and turns around, facing Bruce again. His expression is still somewhat uncomfortable, but he tries to give his best smile to Bruce. “Just talk to her when she’s back. You’ll understand then.” After he says that the doors to the elevator close, and Bruce is left staring at said closed doors while he dreads on what’s to happen tonight. Terrified would be putting it lightly in regards to how he feels right now.

He knew he should have left when he had the chance.

* * *

Back in the early stages of his relationship with Betty, the two of them had talked about their past relationships. 

“I had about three boyfriends in college, and two more serious relationships,” she admitted with an almost sheepish smile, “The longest one was probably the last. It lasted around… two years, I think.”

Bruce blinked; considering where they were now, two years was quite a decent length of time. “Why did it end?” he couldn’t help but ask, although he paused after that, and then added on quickly. “I mean, only if you’re willing to talk about it. You don’t have to elaborate, if you don’t want to.” His intention wasn’t to make her feel uncomfortable or anything; Bruce was simply curious on the reasons behind it. It must have taken something quite significant to end a relationship like that.

Betty seemed amused with the question somehow, not that Bruce fully understood why—but he supposed amusement was better than the alternatives that he had in his mind. “It’s nothing much, really,” she replied, “It just… didn’t really work out the way we thought we would.”

“How do you know that?” Now Bruce couldn’t help his curiosity. How did Betty know that? Was it a feeling or something closer to a speculation? There were so many things he couldn’t fully understand at times and Bruce was trying to change that as best as he could. He wanted to be as good as he could be for Betty.

Instead of answering the question Betty gave him an odd look, one that looked like a mix of the amusement from before, but now also tinged with sadness. “You haven’t been in love before, have you? Or a relationship?” she asked after a pause.

Bruce hesitated for a moment before he could bring himself to reply to that question. “I haven’t really…” It wasn’t as if he didn’t understand love, but what he knew of it was in a disjointed, broken fashion that had been ruined from young by the hands of his father. There had been Jennifer, yes, but still… the damage was still there. Bruce could feel it even until now, like a scar in his heart that would not fade. That had been pretty much the main reason why he hadn’t really taken an interest in his lack of a love life; it was just hard to love when he didn’t really know how to show it half the time. 

Betty reached out with her hands and took one of Bruce’s in her own, the gesture stopping Bruce before he could speak out anything. “Don’t worry about it,” she assured him, her voice and words always as kind as her smile. “Everyone starts differently. And now you can learn with me. We can both learn together.”

Warmth suffused through Bruce at those words, and he couldn’t help but feel a little lighter when he heard that. He curled his fingers around Betty’s hand, trying to hold her back in turn. “I’m pretty sure you’ve learned a lot as it is,” he murmured, voice soft. 

A laugh came from Betty after Bruce spoke those words, a quiet little chuckle that betrayed her amusement. “There’s always something to learn when it comes to love,” she said after settling down, leaning in and planting a kiss between Bruce’s knuckles, smiling up at him. “And I’m glad I get to learn it with you.”

Bruce smiled back in return and pulled Betty’s hands in to place a kiss on the back of them, fingers curling to hold her hands tight. “I’m glad, too.” He had never even thought about something like love, and somehow he still had Betty who would stand by him. Truly, that was something he would always treasure. He made a silent vow there and then to never lose her, no matter what. He owed her too much at this point to ever leave her.

* * *

Bruce really doesn’t know what Tony is thinking here, expecting him to just go up to Pepper and ask her about this when he considers everything else that has happened, but apparently he thinks it’s just all going to turn out fine somehow. Bruce can’t say he feels the same way, but considering how confident Tony seems to be, Bruce supposes there’s no harm in trying, for better or for worse. At the very least, he can come clean with her before things get even more complicated.

They sit in the long since re-built lounge of the Tower, nursing cups of tea while they face each other. The silence is palpable, and the tension seems to be so thick it might have been sliceable with a knife. Bruce thinks he hasn’t felt this nervous in a pretty long while. 

Pepper is the one who breaks the silence first, putting her tea down onto the table. “You’re here to discuss about Tony with me, I assume.”

“I—yes.” Right to the point then, it seems. Bruce puts down his tea as well, not wanting it to distract him. He needs to give his full one hundred percent concentration on this conversation. 

Pepper looks over to the tea that Bruce had just put down for several moments before asking him a question. “What did Tony tell you?”

It wasn’t exactly what Bruce had been expecting, but at least it was easy enough to respond. “Nothing at all,” he returned, uncertain on what to feel in regards to that. He understood that Tony had been uncomfortable which led to him not explaining, but was Pepper expecting something? Perhaps Bruce himself was meant to know something…?

Mentally he braces himself for some sort of bad response—an outburst, a scream, something—but what he didn’t expect was a simple sigh, one that sounded more exasperated than anything else. Bruce stared a little as Pepper sighed, looking somewhat resigned rather than angry, or hurt, or any other reaction that Bruce had been expecting instead. Just seeing it confused him even more.

“First off,” she starts, giving Bruce an apologetic smile. “Let me apologize for Tony’s actions. I know he’s never the easiest person to be with.”

Bruce purses his lips for a moment, feeling somewhat uncomfortable. “It’s… it’s nothing. I mean, I was the one who…” he trails off from there, wondering what’s going on. If anything, he should be the one apologizing, not her. He’s pretty much the third party in this, after all. There’s no reason why she would be apologizing to him instead.

Pepper holds up a hand to stop Bruce from talking any further. “Tony has told me that you feel guilty for sleeping with him,” she says, getting to the heat of the topic right there and then. “I’m here to tell you that you don’t have to worry. Neither you nor Tony did anything wrong.” She pauses for a bit there, and then adds as an afterthought, “Well, perhaps a bit on Tony’s end. But most certainly nothing on your end, Bruce.”

Bruce can’t say that he actually understands what Pepper means here. “But I—I slept with him.” Not that Bruce had wanted to or intended to no matter what his feelings on the matter were, but everything had been more or less in the heat of the moment, where one thing just led to another and everything more or less spiralled out of control. Bruce still wishes he could have had better self-control so that this entire situation could have been perfectly avoided. But then again, life never could work out the way he ever wanted to; he should have known that well enough by now.

“And I’m saying that it’s fine,” she returns plaintively, stressing on the last word most of all. “It’s perfectly fine.”

Even though she keeps saying that Bruce can’t help but find it really hard to see how anything could be fine at all. “How can it be fine?” he voices it out finally, unable to keep quiet about this, especially with how lost he feels. Just why was Pepper so alright with it? It didn’t make sense to him at all.

Pepper seems to blink at first, as if caught by surprise by the questioning, and then after a moment her expression turned into something that seems both apologetic and sad, for reasons Bruce couldn’t understand at that time. “What Tony and I have isn’t exactly a normal relationship,” she finally begins to explain, “I suppose the best way to describe it would be an open relationship, of sorts.”

The words take a moment for Bruce to process. He does sort of know the term of it and what it means in the basest sense, but it’s not really something he sees happening actively. Admittedly it takes quite a bit for him to fully take it in. 

“…so he…?” Bruce eventually starts to ask, wanting to get the full picture here but not quite daring to ask. He had already stepped deep enough into their personal affairs as it is; the last thing that Bruce desired was to intrude even more than necessary. 

A smile graces Pepper’s face there and then. “Sleeps with other people? No, you’re the first one since we got together. But I told him from the beginning that it was fine, so long as he lets me know.”

Bruce pauses for a moment, taken by surprise over the fact that he had been a first, in some manner of speaking. It wasn’t hard at all to see how much Tony did love Pepper, how much he treasured her and regarded her as the most important thing in his life. With those kinds of emotions Bruce would have thought that Tony had long since gone monogamous, but now…

As if sensing Bruce’s growing worries, Pepper reaches out and rests a hand on his wrist. “Don’t think too much about it, Bruce. I just wanted to let you know that I am aware of what’s going on, and that I’m fine with it.” The smile from before returns once again, and Bruce isn’t entirely sure what to feel about it. Pepper says that it’s okay, but still… Bruce can’t say that he feels entirely comforted by it. 

“I’m really sorry,” he can’t help but mutter an apology, glancing downwards and avoiding Pepper’s gaze. Bruce hadn’t wanted things to get complicated, hadn’t really intended to act on any of his feelings for Tony. He should have known better than to do that, should have taken more precautions instead of falling into something that could have otherwise been avoided.

He can hear Pepper letting out a sigh at said apology. “You have nothing to apologize for, Bruce,” she says, and this time her voice and tone are firmer and carry much more authority than before, a hint of steel showing through that Bruce knows comes from the life that she leads. Bruce has always admired and respected that part of her the most; it wasn’t everybody who could live the life that Pepper Potts does and still manage to keep herself so… well, _perfect_ was pretty much the only adequate word that came to Bruce’s mind.

Bruce somehow manages to find the courage to raise his head and look at Pepper, although his gaze is still uncertain. “I don’t want to get in the way.” While he may have feelings for Tony, he doesn’t want to do anything that may jeopardize what Tony already has. That isn’t fair to Tony or Pepper, who have both been kind to him. They don’t deserve his selfishness. 

Pepper gives him another smile at the words, but this one had that same sadness as before, except much more pronounced this time round. “You’re never in the way,” she says, voice soft, and her hand squeezes his wrist briefly. “Never forget that, Bruce.”

* * *

“Please, sir, you have to save my child.”

Bruce looks down at the boy lying on the worn out mattress before him, taking note of his ragged breathing, the way his tiny chest raises and falls rapidly, struggling with every breath that he takes. His skin is pale, and his bones are nearly showing through his skin—they probably haven’t been able to eat well for months now, he thinks, but that’s common in places here. There’s never enough for people here. 

“Sir, please,” comes the plea once more. He glances to the woman who’s begging for his help and wonders where she managed to learn the words. English isn’t a common language here but somehow she can say it—or at least enough for him to understand. He wonders how long she took to learn the words, the words that will be enough to ask somebody when they pass through here. He wonders how many people ended up turning her down. He wonders if he’ll do the same too. 

Bruce looks at the boy and takes in the signs, the symptoms, compares them in his mind against what he remembers and what he’s seen. He can’t help but think how photos can never fully depict the reality of illnesses most of the time. It’s always so much worse when he sees it in real life. He’s no doctor (can never be, really), but even he knows what’s going on when he sees what lies before him. The child doesn’t have much to live; the illness has already spread too far for it to be cured. At this rate, Bruce can only give him another few months or so, and that’s already being generous. 

“Please.” The frail old woman says again from beside him. “I’ll pay anything. Anything.”

He wonders if this woman is the boy’s mother. In all likelihood, she is, and Bruce can’t help but feel infinite sorrow for her. Seeing a family member pass on is bad enough, but no doubt it’s even more painful when it’s your own child. It’s never a good then when your own children pass on before you. But now she has to bear that pain, and the knowledge of that weighs on him.

Bruce knows now, more than ever, that being knowledgeable sometimes can be more of a burden than anything else. 

The sensible thing to do here would be to tell her the truth. Get her prepared for the inevitable. Let her child pass on as peacefully as possible. It’s only a matter of time at this point, and it would be easier for her. The sooner you start grieving, the easier it is to move on. This area was already starting to get dangerous with the unrest that’s happening and staying here much longer wouldn’t help the woman or her child. 

He thinks of that and then he thinks of himself, of the night and the funeral a week later, of the memory of himself standing before a graveyard and staring at a tombstone, knowing of nothing else. He thinks of the pain that has never truly faded, still seated inside of him, coiling with the anger that forever simmers within. He knows despite the pretty words and thoughts of goodwill, this woman will end up feeling the same as well in time. Both loss and anger will haunt her, just as they haunt him.

Bruce takes in a deep breath and nods. “I’ll do my best.” 

He wonders if he can call this kindness when he knows the ending will be cruel for everyone involved. False hope has always been one of the worst things people can give to one another.

* * *

About a month had passed since that first night (and the subsequent morning after), and while eventually something of an understanding had been reached, neither of them had really brought it back up. On Bruce’s end it was because he simply didn’t think there was anything worth in bringing it back up, but he didn’t know why Tony was so quiet as well. 

If he thought even more about it, he doesn’t really understand why Tony even did it in the first place beyond telling him to stay. The whole thing was strange, not that Bruce could say he himself was any better. He had every intention to leave that night and now here he was, still in the Tower when he should have been gone the moment everything in New York was settled. The longer he remained here, the more dangerous things would be, and Brice couldn’t afford that. 

The thought dwells on his mind for the rest of the week as he works in the lab, sometimes its presence heavy enough that he’d fumble and make mistakes he shouldn’t be making at all. At least most of the time when it happens Tony wasn’t there, but the times where he did happen to be there Bruce would simply make excuses, saying things like he hadn’t slept well the previous night, or just needed a break, or something. Tony hadn’t tried to counter him, but Bruce could see the sharp way in which Tony was taking him in and his reactions, eyes observing everything that he was doing. It gave him more reason to leave this place, before Tony cracks him open even more and sees all the things that Bruce doesn’t want people to see—most of all Tony Stark.

After one almost very bad fumble in the afternoon—getting a whole set of calculations wrong—Bruce decides that he really has to leave. He can’t stay here anymore if he keeps being distracted like this. This isn’t his place to be, anyway. He doesn’t belong here. 

He decides to act on it that very night, once its late enough that he’s certain Tony and Pepper are both asleep. It doesn’t take much time to pack his things up, considering most of what he owns is just Tony’s spares and all Bruce can let himself bring are his personal effects. Once he’s done Bruce only gives himself a moment to look at the room Tony had so graciously given him for the time he had been here, and turns around to start leaving. Or rather, _would_ be leaving, if he didn’t come face to face with Tony the moment he had opened the door of his room. 

Bruce instantly steps back the moment he catches sight of Tony’s face, taken aback by his abrupt appearance. Tony on the other hand lets his gaze slide down to see the bag that Bruce is holding, and his expression quickly changes into something that closely resembles hurt.

He finds himself speaking even before his mind can process the words. “I just—”

Tony doesn’t wait for him to finish. He takes two steps to close the distance Bruce had put between them, and a hand reaches out, almost as if ready to grab Bruce—but stops before he does anything like that. Bruce isn’t sure if he should feel relieved or not about it. He doesn’t know about a lot of things these days, especially those that involve Tony.

“…do you really not like it here?” Tony finally asks after a moment, voice soft and just slightly awkward, and he puts his hand down as he asks that question. The hurt on his face is still there and seeing it has Bruce feeling a brief sense of satisfaction ( _learn that not everything goes the way you want it to_ ) before the guilt takes over. This is precisely the reason why he shouldn’t stay here any longer. Tony doesn’t need to deal with all of this. 

Bruce tightens the hold that he has on his bag, taking another few steps back, needing that distance. “I—” What can he say about this place? He’s thankful that Tony has offered him this space, grateful for the room and company and everything but he can’t do this forever. Not like this. “That isn’t the problem.”

Tony steps another step forward, gaze still locked onto Bruce. “Then what’s the problem?” he asks once more, “I can’t do anything if you don’t tell me what’s bothering you, Banner.”

“Nothing’s bothering me.” The response comes out automatically more than anything else, and Bruce continues to edge away from Tony. It really shouldn’t be surprising how things never go his way but Bruce is tired of this; he just wants to leave. Why is that so hard? 

“If nothing’s bothering you then you wouldn’t be trying to leave in the middle of the night.” Tony’s retort is as sharp as the gaze that he gives Bruce now, and he starts to close the distance again, prompting Bruce to set is apart once more. “Just talk to me. If there’s a problem, I’ll go and fix it.” He can hear the honestly in Tony’s voice, the near desperation of it. It stings Bruce more than he thinks it should. 

Bruce tells himself to stay calm when he speaks. “There’s no problem.” At least, not any problem with Tony or the place; the problem, he knows, is just himself. He’s always been a problem. 

Tony doesn’t look the least bit convinced by his response. “Stop lying to me, Banner. It’s written all over your face.” Another few more steps closer and he ends up almost practically right up at Bruce’s face, mere inches apart from each other. 

The answer comes out automatically once more. “I’m not lying.” But of course, the truth is that he is. He always lies because lying is always the easier way out, and Bruce would rather take that than anything else. He’s had enough of all the bullshit that life gives him. Even when he has more than what others would ask for, he still wants more. He’s probably one of the worst human beings alive, if not _the_ worst. 

Bruce steps back again, but unlike the other times he runs out of space to fall back to. The back of his right leg hits the edge of the bed and Bruce falls down onto the mattress, dropping his bag in the process. It barely makes a sound when it lands on the ground, showing just how little he actually has inside it.

Neither of them pay attention to the fallen bag, though; especially not Tony, who’s gotten onto the bed as well and now looms over Bruce with his hands braced on either side of him. Bruce stares up, suddenly feeling helpless and that helplessness makes him uneasy and afraid. When he’s above like this Tony just seems menacing as hell now, his features obscured by the lighting above them. Being unable to see Tony’s face properly only serves to push Bruce’s unease even more. 

He doesn’t know exactly what shows on his face this time round, because a few moments later after he hears Tony let out a sigh and abruptly pulls back, shifting to settle at Bruce’s side instead. The gesture confuses Bruce greatly, even if he is thankful for having his space again. He slowly moves to sit back up, trying not to eye at the bag that’s left on the floor—there’s not much use trying to leave secretly now when Tony is well aware of his intentions. 

Tony is quiet only for a few moments, and then he turns to glance at Bruce. “Look, I don’t want to—to _force_ you into anything,” he starts, voice quiet even though Bruce can still feel the frustration coming out from him. “But I can’t exactly do anything to help you either if you don’t work with me here. I want to make things good between us. Why can’t you tell me what’s wrong?”

Bruce purses his lips together. “There’s nothing wrong,” he repeats himself. 

“Damnit, Banner.” The frustration picks up when he swears, and Tony lets out another loud sigh while he clenches his fists in his lap. “Stop saying that already.”

What else is he supposed to say, then? Bruce tries to think about it, attempting to word his next response in the best way in where Tony can understand better. “It’s not because of you.” Tony has never been the problem here, even if Bruce wishes that could be the case. No, it wasn’t him at all. 

This time Tony just lets out a laugh at the words, short and dry and utterly sarcastic. “Really, Banner?” he retorts, disbelief (and—hurt?) in his voice. “Of all the things, you’re using the ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ line?” 

Bruce makes a half-hearted attempt at a shrug. “It’s the truth.” If anything, Tony at least deserves one truth; one real thing from the many other lies he’s had to tell since coming here. 

Tony makes a face that says a lot of things even though he doesn’t voice any of them out. Instead he just drags a hand down his face after a moment and sighs as he glances towards Bruce. “Okay, you know what? We’re going to stop talking about this now. It’s too late for this shit. Come here.”

He gestures for Bruce with his hand to come closer, something with of course Bruce doesn’t do because he doesn’t exactly want to know why Tony is asking him to get closer. After a few moments when it’s clear that Bruce isn’t following his instructions, Tony lets out a frustrated sound and ends up reaching out to grab him by the wrist and forcefully drag them close together. Bruce doesn’t even have a chance to recover before Tony has both of them lying down in his bed, and the next thing Bruce knows is that his face more or less being pressed against Tony’s chest as the other man wraps his arms around him, his legs hooked around Bruce’s. As far as things go, it’s a very effective way of keeping him in one place—even if it is slightly unconventional. Then again, Tony has always been the master of unconventional things. 

Bruce obstinately tries not to think of this as _cuddling_ in any sense of the term. 

If Tony thinks of it as well he doesn’t say it, only shifting to make sure that he doesn’t make Bruce feel physically uncomfortable in one fashion or another. “We’ll talk about this after sleep,” he says, once he checks out that everything is fine. “Don’t think you’re getting away with this, Banner.”

He knows. He knows very well, and he knows nothing he can do now will probably change that, perhaps short of transforming. But that’s the last thing he wants to inflict onto Tony. Bruce closes his eyes and nods against Tony’s chest, and as he moves he can feel the hard press of the arc reactor against his face. It’s bright, but not uncomfortably so—the blue is somehow comforting, a light shade of if that reminds him a little of the morning sky. 

Tony shifts a little against at the nod, pulling Bruce up a little higher so that his head is tucked into the crook of his neck instead, and fingers delve into the back of his head, scratching lightly at his scalp, running through his hair. Bruce feels a tingle of warmth running through his body at the gesture, though he tries to deny it. 

“Tony—” he attempts to start, even though he doesn’t know what he wants to say there and then. He just feels like a whole big ball of confusion and uncertainty. 

Tony grunts and tightens the arm he has wrapped around Bruce’s waist. “Not now, Banner,” he returns from above his head. “Sleep first. Talk later.”

There’s a tone of finality to his words there that clearly tells Bruce that the conversation is over for now. Tony stays still, arms and legs keeping Bruce trapped in bed, and there’s no way he’s going to be able to get out of the Tower now for the rest of the night. He wonders what makes Tony do this, to keep him here like this even though there’s no benefit for him, when he brings more trouble to Tony’s life than anything else. There is still so much he doesn’t know about Tony.

The fingers continue to comb through his hair, never stopping, and Bruce doesn’t really know how to describe the feeling that it gives him. It’s a strange warm fuzzy sensation that doesn’t quite leave, compounding on each other until it buzzes through his entire body, making him relax despite the stress of just now. Bruce knows that there’s probably something to be mentioned here, how they’re in bed like this and how he doesn’t exactly feel fear over Tony keeping him in bed. If anything he feels something entirely different, a feeling that he knows he should stop feeling but can’t help it regardless. 

“I can hear you thinking,” Tony grumbles out from above him this time. “Just go to sleep, Banner.”

He further tightens his arm around him, nails briefly digging into his scalp, and Bruce supposes there’s nothing else he can do here now while trapped like this. He closes his eyes and allows himself to fall asleep.

When they wake up, they will talk. They have to.

* * *

There hadn’t been anything special on the day Bruce realized he was in love with Tony Stark.

Bruce can’t quite remember what they were doing then, only recalling the fact that they were in the lab working on one of their combined projects. Even then Bruce knew that his time there was running up but he couldn’t help but soak in Tony’s company, taking what possibly could be his one and only chance to be with such an amazing man. The papers and magazines honestly didn’t do him justice at all—he was so much _more_ in real life, more amazing and spectacular than he could have ever imagined and he always found himself humbled with every second Tony gives to him, every second they can work together. It’s a blessing that Bruce never stops appreciating.

Tony is behind him every step of the way as Bruce works on his part of the project, pointing out areas of improvement and giving suggestions where needed. It’s a comfortable environment to him by now after the initial surprise of having access to such advanced technology; now it’s just one massive (and expensive) lab with just the two of them together, doing what they both love best. 

When Bruce had realized he loved Betty, it had been a pretty grand state of affairs. But with Tony, the moment was nothing like that at all. He had simply been working on the screens with no thoughts of Tony in his mind at all, but then in the next moment he was turning to Tony, wanting to ask him something, where then he stopped before the words could leave him. Stopped because he saw Tony in his element, working like a magician with the many screens thrown up around him, a far better multitasker then Bruce could ever be. He saw Tony, bright-eyed and focused on his work with a passion unparalleled to anybody else’s, Tony who had been with him ever since he arrived here, Tony who prodded and teased him and whose laughs always made Bruce feel better in one way or another. 

That was the moment, then, where Bruce realized he wanted nothing more than to have this every day. Where he felt that old ache of _want_ and _need_ after so many years of suppressing it. He simply looked at Tony and knew right in that moment that he wanted a life again… or more specifically, a life with Tony. He wanted Tony Stark to be a bigger part of his life and Bruce knew instantly what that entailed. 

He realized it, then, but after that realization came a moment of anger, followed by pain as well as regret. Regret because he wished he had known Tony earlier, and because he knew that what he wanted was something that would never happen. Tony already had somebody else, and Bruce didn’t have any right to take that away from him. Tony deserved people better than himself, and Potts was certainly a lot better than Bruce could ever be. And the pain—pain for wanting something that would never come to pass, pain over a realization he wished he hadn’t come to see.

For a while he’s lost in this vortex of thoughts, only coming back to reality when he realizes that Tony has been looking at him oddly for the last minute or so. Bruce quickly snaps out of his thoughts, giving Tony a quizzical look. “What’s wrong?”

“I should be the one asking you that question,” Tony returns with an arched eyebrow. “You spaced out for a while there. Did something happen?”

“I—” Bruce pauses and blinks, taking a moment to reorient himself and remember the reality which he’s in. “Nothing. Nothing’s wrong.” _Except for the fact that I just realized that I’m in love with you and it hurts so much now._

Bruce can’t say that he feels convinced at his own response, but it’s apparently enough for Tony, who glances at Bruce a bit more before he drops the subject. “If you say so,” he returns, and for better or for worse gets distracted the next moment with the stuff that’s showing on their screens. “Oh, hey, we’re nearly done, right? What about we celebrate with pizza?”

“You always celebrate everything with pizza,” Bruce tries to retort, but it falls pretty flat even for him. It’s hard to really focus on anything else now when he’s still busy struggling with getting over a pretty large epiphany.

Tony, again, doesn’t seem to notice it, and only grins as he slings an arm carelessly over Bruce’s shoulder. “Well, pizza’s a pretty celebratory treat by itself,” he replies with mirth in his voice, eyes twinkling. “I’ll even make sure it has veggies in it and everything, just for you.” 

All Bruce can really bring himself to do is smile even though he hurts really badly inside now. “Well, since you’re being so generous, I suppose I can’t turn down that offer.”

“Great.” There’s that smile on Tony’s face now, the one where it’s half practised charm and also half genuine, a smile Bruce knows he’d never give to the magazines or papers. Bruce loves and hates it at the same time, knows it’s yet another one of those things that just makes him ache for Tony more than ever no matter how impossible it is. “I’ll make the call later when we’re fully done, alright? A little party, just for the both of us. You’ll love it.”

Bruce nods in return, and Tony gives him another grin before he clasps Bruce’s shoulder and turns back to his work. At least now when Tony has his back turned against him Bruce can stare at it without being caught, wondering how much longer he can stay here now before it starts becoming unfair to everyone. He should have left a long time ago, to be honest. But what’s done is done, and all Bruce can do is to face this new reality he’s presented with even as the bitter taste of regret swells up in his mouth. 

He’s always had a problem of wanting impossible things.

* * *

Calcutta is a welcome sight after having spent a long time away from it. The streets are as chaotic as ever, and the environment equally so. It’s a contrast to the Tower, where there is still an order to the mess that Tony leaves. Out here the order is harder to see, though Bruce hardly plans on looking for it. He just wants to lose himself in this chaos and forget about the things that haunt him.

Settling back, at least, is incredibly easy. In a few days Bruce is back doing what he’s always been doing before Natasha Romanoff found him and brought him to SHIELD. He goes around the slums and the run down neighbourhoods, helping families that are in need of medical attention, doing whatever he can to make their lives just a little better. He knows it’s not much, but it feels better than staying in a lab. At least here he can make something of a difference for other people and actually see it for himself. Its things like these that matter most to him. Should matter most to him. Not thoughts about things that will never come to pass and only hurt himself even more.

He spends his time tending to the needy, running errands when asked to and helping out wherever else that he can. He takes care of children and feeds the elderly, goes to the markets with the mothers and helps the fathers with their work. It’s an easy life, one that Bruce finds satisfaction in, letting familiar noise and chaos fill his senses and keep him in the present. 

Most of the time it works.

The other times it doesn’t work Bruce is usually back in the small room that he can call his own, or in a place somewhere with the rare television. Even all the way here they report about the news in America; they talk about Stark Industries and their latest developments, showing interviews with both Tony and Pepper. A few times some of the other patrons ask Bruce if he knows of Tony, and Bruce simply replies with a ‘no’. 

They always look so perfect on the screen when he sees them, but Bruce knows the truth. He knows how messy Tony looks after a whole day’s work in the lab, how Pepper looks like before she takes that much needed shower. How they both look like together, perfect and amazing and utterly made for each other—a match made in heaven, if he had to use the phrase. Apart they had their little imperfections, but together they were dazzling and Bruce couldn’t help but envy them for it. 

Tonight as he stares at the television he vaguely makes out some gossip news about Tony and Pepper having moved back to Malibu. It makes him recall the last words Tony spoke to him before Bruce left, being told that they were going back and that Bruce was free to join them, if he wanted. Pepper had been there as well, and even she had said the same thing too. They both expressed their desire for Bruce to move with them over to the house. He wasn’t sure what prompted them to do that, but it was too much for Bruce. At least in the Tower there was still a degree of professionalism, but moving to a house, a place that was clearly much more personal…

For a moment he wonders if anybody is going to manage the Tower now that Tony and Pepper have left it, but stops himself before he can think too much about it. Thoughts like those were not going to get him anywhere, not after he had made his choice by taking off to this place. He had nothing to do with them anymore, now. Unless SHIELD wanted him again, their chance of crossing paths once more was minimal. They had their lives, and he had his own. This was how things should be. This was how things should continue to be.

No matter how he tries to convince himself, it didn’t fully stop the feeling of guilt that continues to dwell inside of him.

* * *

Bruce should have realized that something was up the moment Tony told him to ‘dress up’ for their dinner tonight. He and Tony, they’re both not too big on the whole dating thing—not that Bruce particularly minds, since he understands that Tony functions differently from most people. Not to mention it’s easier to take things this way, if it’s just about the sex and not everything else which Bruce doesn’t really want to acknowledge yet. There’s enough to take in as it is right now between them. 

Despite that, he hadn’t thought too much at first about the request, figuring that Tony wanted to take him to some overpriced place to eat or something despite Bruce’s frequent protests otherwise. Sometimes Tony relents and they just get take out, but other times he insists on his way and Bruce doesn’t have the heart to not indulge Tony. This had been one of those times, so as far as he had been concerned at that point he simply assumed that it was a normal thing. 

It was only after having spent the last thirty minutes waiting in the lobby that Bruce realized that something was off; no matter how late was, Tony wouldn’t really be this late for something he had arranged, at least not at the start. He could feel his worries starting to surface, head running through some of the scenarios that might have happened to explain what was happening. Did Tony forget about this? Was he too occupied with something? Or maybe…

As Bruce starts to pace around and figure out what he should do, the elevator dings and Bruce hears the doors opening behind him. He feels relief when he hears that sound and turns around, ready to start questioning Tony on why he was taking so long—but doesn’t get very far on that because standing before him is decidedly _not_ Tony. Bruce needs a moment to blink and take in the situation before he can speak. “…Pepper?” 

Indeed, standing before him now and out of the elevator was the one and only Pepper Potts. The sight of her did nothing but confuse Bruce even more as he tried to puzzle out this mystery in his head. What was she doing here? And in a very nice dress as well, no less. Now Bruce finds himself lost and in need of answers as he continues to stare at Pepper, attempting to digest everything. Tony not coming down at all, and Pepper turning up so suddenly while dressed like this…

As if to answer his question Bruce feels his phone vibrating in his pocket. He takes a moment to get it out to see what’s happening, and once he sees that it’s actually a call from Tony he quickly answers it. “Tony? What’s going on?” 

“Oh, hey,” Tony’s voice comes through the phone, flippant and casual as always. “I’m going to assume that since you asked me that, you must have already seen Pepper.”

Bruce glances at her when Tony mentions her name, awkwardly returning the smile that she gives him before he turns away and focuses back on his conversation with Tony. “Are you going to explain to me the situation?” It’s one thing to get sudden surprises, but it’s another thing when there’s nothing to explain it and Bruce really doesn’t like to be left in the dark. It’s hard to like it when not knowing anything is half the reason is why things keep happening to him sometimes. 

“I’m getting to it now,” comes Tony, still sounding all fine and dandy, as if there’s nothing wrong at all. “Long story short, I’m kind of busy now and can’t make it, but it’s such a waste to not use the booking. I kind of owe Pep a dinner, so could you just be a pal and go with her? I’ll make it up next time, promise.”

Of all the things he thought he would hear this was nothing close to what he had been expecting from Tony. The shock of it is enough to keep Bruce stunned for several seconds as he attempts to digest it all. This is, after all, not exactly the kind of request that most people would suddenly spring on others. But then again, as he said earlier, Tony does tend to function differently from most people. Unfortunately, this also seems to somehow include inducing very awkward situations, be it accidental or deliberate. Though if it does end up being the latter for some reason or other, Bruce privately thinks that Tony would do well to actually have a few lessons on basic courtesy drilled into him properly instead, for the sake of everyone’s sanity. 

He doesn’t voice out that opinion, but he does say something that at least sounds more tactful to his ears. “I don’t think this is a good idea.” Sure, he and Pepper were on amiable terms, but that didn’t mean they were going out for dinner now or anything like that. Not to mention the fact that they were both sleeping with Tony; there may be an understanding between all the parties involved, but that didn’t make things easier either.

“Of course it’s not,” Tony replies, and Bruce feels relief when he hears that. He starts to let out a sigh, glad that common sense had triumphed over for once, but before he can actually let out said sigh Tony follows up the rest of his sentence. “It’s a _great_ idea. One of the best, even.”

Bruce isn’t sure if he should feel surprised, exasperated, or some weird combination of both with a little annoyance thrown into the mix. “What?” Was Tony even making sense now? Bruce had to doubt it somehow. Just where did Tony get the idea that this would actually end well?

“Both you and Pepper doesn’t spend enough time together,” continues Tony, who’s somehow either not heard his reply or is outright ignoring it entirely. Bruce has a feeling it’s the latter, this time around. “So we need to fix that. Consider this a first step. Think of the dinner as an incentive or something, if that helps.”

“I don’t need incentives.” And neither does he really want Pepper—no offence to her, of course. Bruce simply doesn’t think that going out for dinner with Pepper now like this is actually going to help them. What difference can one dinner make to anything? 

Tony lets out a snort at his end of the line. “Then think of it as a favour, or something. Just one dinner, nothing to worry about. It’s already even been paid for and everything. Just go and enjoy yourself out there for one night, okay?”

Bruce doesn’t exactly know what it is, but there’s something about Tony’s voice in there which strikes something inside of Bruce. It feels a bit like a plea, and Tony doesn’t really do pleas. Bruce can’t help but wonder what exactly brought this on, but since he’s already heard it, there’s no way he could just simply ignore it. 

“…fine,” he mutters, trying not to feel as if he’s just signed his own defeat. It’s always been impossible to argue with Tony about anything when the man has his mind set on something. In some respects, that’s where Bruce is on the same level as him. 

“Great!” Tony’s voice lights up immediately once Bruce agrees, and the something which he hears before disappears, now transformed into an emotion closer to… happiness, he supposes, if he has to find the most appropriate word for it. “The driver should be there soon, so just head out with Pepper and enjoy yourself out there. I’ll see you when you get back.”

He glances at Pepper once more before he nods even though Tony can’t really see it. “Yeah. Okay.”

“Send my regards to Pep.” That’s the last thing Tony says before he hangs up, and the phone line goes dead. Bruce lets it hang for a moment before he lowers the phone and stares at it, still trying to process the whole thing. He really should have been expecting something when Tony suddenly sprung the request on him earlier today.

A polite cough from Pepper draws Bruce out from his thoughts, and he glances over to her once more. Pepper looks back at him, a small smile on her face, and holds her out hand towards him. “Shall we?” 

One night out with Pepper Potts. Bruce knows that he’s probably overthinking all of this, but it’s a bit hard not to. Pepper has been a good friend of sorts in the time since he first came here, if you could call a person who slept (and still sleeps) with the same person that you do a friend. He can’t help but feel as if he’s going into something big and unknown while blindfolded and it scares him more than he dares to admit. He’s never been very good at social situations, and things like these even more so. But at least, if there is one thing that is of comfort, he’s at least okay with Pepper. He thinks it’ll be fine if they stick together. 

He quirks a small smile and steps forward towards her, slowly taking her hand in his. “Can’t turn down a free dinner,” he says wryly, feeling none of the confidence that his voice seems to project.

Pepper returns the smile with her own her tightens her hold on Bruce’s hand. “That’s the spirit.”

Together they step out and board the car when it arrives, and they go to a very fancy restaurant where the menus are pretty much unreadable and their unprinted prices probably cost more than Bruce earns in an entire year. Fortunately Pepper takes care of everything; she gives suggestions to Bruce on what to eat and helps him place his order when the waiter comes to take them. As they wait for their food they listen to the string quartet that plays in the background and chat amiably about several things; life, the company—and perhaps most importantly—Tony. He supposes it’s inventible that their conversation would turn to Tony somehow, considering their close connections to him. 

Despite Bruce’s initial worry the conversation between them flows easily, without any hint of awkwardness that he thought would have been present. Pepper is both professional and welcoming at the same time, easily making Bruce feel comfortable as they chat despite the degree of formality that stands between them. 

Their conversation continues on when their meals are served, as they eat and after they’re done and have to go through some strange-looking dessert that Bruce is pretty sure he has never seen before in his life. Pepper assures him that it’s just a really nice crème brûlée and there’s nothing to worry about, and when he still looks unconvinced takes a bite from her own serving to show him as such. Seeing that nothing was wrong after Pepper had eaten it Bruce relented and took a bit for himself—and then quickly marvelled at how good it did taste, to his own surprise. 

Dessert didn’t take too long to finish after that, Bruce trying not to look like he was eating it with gutso while Pepper gave him an amused look. Their conversation didn’t really die down though, picking up again once the crème brûlée was out of the way and they waited for the bill to come over. Once again their talk comes to revolve around Tony: about what Tony does in the office and in the lab (and out of it), how he was faring (seemingly okay for now) and they traded stories about the things Tony had done with them, a bit about their own respective lives. 

In a sense, it surprises Bruce how comfortable he is with Pepper; with Tony alone it had been something he already hadn’t expected, but he didn’t think that Pepper would end up in the same boat as well. She’s nothing like Tony, who’s recklessly fearless at times and does a lot of things that he should have thought over better in retrospect, but kind and patient and understanding and reminds him quite a bit of Betty. It’s not hard to see at all why Tony is head over heels for her. If he were in his position, he thinks he could end up the same, too. 

Eventually the bill comes and Pepper settles it, simply signing it off with Tony’s credit card. They take their leave once everything is done, heading back out where the car (limousine, more like) waits for them, and they’re taken back to the Tower in almost no time at all. When Bruce checks his watch as he gets out of said car, it’s already past ten at night. It’s a bit hard to believe he had actually went out for that long. 

He helps Pepper out of the car and they both walk to the elevator, entering it when the doors open. Pepper instructs JARVIS to bring them up to the penthouse and the AI complies, closing the doors automatically, and Bruce can feel the minute tremble of the floor as they’re brought up to the top. 

“It was a nice night, wasn’t it?” Pepper breaks the silence between them only a few moments after they start going up. Bruce glances at her when he hears the words, blinking, and Pepper further clarifies herself for him. “The dinner, and everything else just now. Did you enjoy it?”

Bruce nods in return. “It was nice. Even if it also happened to be kind of unexpected.” Especially in more ways than one now, in a manner of speaking—but Bruce can’t say that this is actually something to regret about when he feels like he’s gained something else instead. 

Pepper laughs softly, her amusement making itself evident there. “You should know by now that ‘unexpected’ is Tony’s middle name sometimes. Usually when he’s also trying to do something stupid and foolish.”

It’s hard to deny that claim, and it’s one that Bruce does agree on. All the same, he smiles at her and inclines his head. “Well, I don’t think this is something stupid or foolish. Do you?” It had been a nice night out more or less perpetuated by Tony, and if Bruce thinks about it, perhaps this is what Tony had been planning from the start. It wouldn’t surprise him, although he does wonder why Tony was taking all this trouble. What would he stand to gain from this?

There’s a moment in where Pepper blinks, as if surprised to hear that, but once said moment passes she smiles as well, looking seemingly pleased. “I don’t think so at all,” she gives her own agreement. 

The elevator chimes then, and the doors open, revealing the penthouse Bruce has become so familiar with after the time he had spent here. He lets Pepper step out first before following suit himself, hearing the doors close behind him once he’s out. Once they step properly inside Pepper doesn’t hesitate to bend down and get out of her shoes, taking only a quick moment before she has them in her hand. She turns towards him once she’s doing, giving him another smile. 

“I guess this is where we part,” she says, voice warm and carrying that hint of amusement from before. “Thank you for the wonderful night out, Bruce.”

“You should be thanking Tony for arranging it in the first place,” he returns, still smiling. “Send him my regards when you see him.”

“Of course.” Pepper gives him another glance and then suddenly leans in, giving him a gentle kiss on the cheek. She pulls away before Bruce can fully register what had happened, sending him one more smile before she turns and makes her way back to her bedroom. 

Bruce finds himself standing there, utterly dumbfounded as he stares at Pepper, feeling some sort of strange, residual heat on where she had kissed him and wondering what brought that on. It certainly didn’t seem like her at all.

* * *

As much as he likes Calcutta, Bruce doesn’t stay there for very long. Within the month of his return Bruce takes his leave once more, unable to remain in that place when the entire place itself reminds him of everything that had led him back there. Bruce isn’t that much of a person to be able to just leave his past behind and move on like that; if anything, he’s even more weighed down now by his past. 

Bruce doesn’t give himself any chance this time around, doesn’t let himself risk it even in the slightest possible manner; from Calcutta he goes to wherever the wind takes him, helping whoever needs it if he passes by them, doing whatever he can to help and only rarely accepting help back in return. He doesn’t let himself stay for long unlike all the other times in the past—as soon as he’s done Bruce moves on to the next place, never really stopping until he feels exhausted enough to sleep for a whole week. He goes to so many places, eventually making the trek up, turning to the Middle East and tasting the air of war and strife once more. It’s hardly an unfamiliar feeling to him, and Bruce does well to not dwell too much on the stench of blood that hangs in the air as he tends to the sick and injured who struggle and try to survive while stuck in a war zone.

He tells himself that he’s helping people out, that he came out to do good and return to what he feels better in doing, but somehow they all feel like excuses to his ears, ringing hollow inside of him every time in says it to himself. That hollowness turns into an ache whenever he catches sight of the news and hears some news or other about Stark Industries. They’re planning for a second tower now, an improved prototype that Bruce knows he helped out in. He wonders for a moment how it’ll look like when it’s up before he stops himself on dwelling in those thoughts. He has no right to them now, not any more.

Still, it’s easy enough to ignore the guilt that he feels inside, letting it settle as a dull throb as Bruce continues to travel around and help out wherever he can. Doing this kind of work at least makes him feel better, more useful, a real mark of what he has done in the world, even if nobody else sees it. As long as Bruce can see it for himself then it’s enough. It’s enough to assure himself, enough for him to move on to the next day while knowing that he’s made somebody’s life just a little better. 

He continues this for what feels like months, continuing his way past the Middle East and eventually getting to Africa, where the atmosphere of war and conflict unfortunately hasn’t changed much from his time in the Middle East. Bruce continues to do his work tirelessly, until the days start to blend together and sometimes Bruce can’t even tell what day of the week it is anymore. He immerses himself in this line of work, letting it keep him busy and occupied so that he doesn’t start thinking about issues he doesn’t really want to touch. It’s unfair, perhaps, but this is for the best. He has to keep telling himself that. He just has to do his work and avoid thinking of the issues that plague him until the time actually comes for him to deal with it. With luck, it would be a long while before anything like that ever happens.

For the most part, it kind of works—Bruce soldiers on with every day, letting the work keep him occupied and only very occasionally catching up on the news. Nothing’s seemed to happen, and there’s no news about Tony at all. It seems as if he’s keeping quiet, too, and in a way there’s some sort of strange status quo that stays that way for a while.

That all changes one day when Bruce wakes up to the news of _TONY STARK PRESUMED DEAD_ being proclaimed on basically every headline of the newspapers that he sees. And it didn’t just come out on the papers; the televisions also played the recording of the Malibu mansion falling into the sea below, the entire structure simply tumbling down like giant, ridiculous building blocks as they splashed into the waters.

Bruce could only stare at the screen as the footage played over and over again, watching and then re-watching what Bruce could describe as his entire world literally falling apart. He had never gone close to the building but he had seen pictures of it, before and after he met Tony in the flesh. Now there was barely anything left but debris and a jagged cliff face broken and ruined by missiles and falling concrete. Everything there was gone now, all gone, totally and utterly gone. Gone, just as Tony was—

No. There was no way that Tony would let himself fall like this. He wouldn’t take this lightly at all, wouldn’t have gone without a fight. Something had to be going on here. He needed to know the whole story. Thinking of anything now at this point in time would be simply akin to making assumptions. He had to know about this straight from the horse’s mouth. 

He steps away from the television, turning his back to it and hurries all the way back to where he’s staying. Once he returns Bruce gets out his duffel bag and rummages through them, only taking a moment to fish out the phone that Tony had all but forced onto him. He never really had the heart to leave it behind when he left, and perhaps this was the reason why. All he had to do was call, and surely… surely somebody would pick up the call.

One call became two, then five, then ten and then even more after that, but no matter how many times Bruce called it all ended with the same thing: silence. There was no response from Tony at all, not even a pick up or anything like that. In desperation Bruce tried to call Pepper and even Happy, but there was no answer from them too. There was nothing at all from Tony’s end, nothing that could show Bruce otherwise to what the news had already seared into his mind. They were really…

Bruce put down his phone and took a few steps back. As realization slowly dawned on him he could feel his mind blanking out, as if it had just decided to shut down without any warning whatsoever. It felt like he was out of his body, unable to do anything but remain as a lone spectator to the ways his body was moving without him registering any of these movements. There were a lot of things he wasn’t really registering at this moment. 

Still at a loss, Bruce didn’t even realize where he was walking until the back of his legs hit against the old wooden table that was on the other end of the room. It was jump a light bump, nothing that would hurt anyone at all, but somehow that was enough for Bruce. The next thing he knew Bruce found himself crumpled on the floor, his legs apparently having given way without him knowing it. It took a long minute before Bruce could push himself back up, especially when his arms were shaking and trembling so much they were almost practically useless.

Useless. That was pretty much what Bruce felt now. Useless and pathetic and terrible and god, he could have been there. Tony had asked him to be there and he had turned it down. If he had been there, then maybe, somehow, things could have been different. He could have done something to prevent this all from happening. Could have made sure that Tony was…

Bruce could feel himself struggling to keep his breaths even now. He felt cold, horribly cold, as if all the warmth he had ever felt had just been sucked dry out of him so abruptly. Bruce could feel himself tremble in that same way his arms had been doing mere moments ago. His chest hurt, lurching with a pain so sharp that Bruce knew nothing could take it away. Tony was gone. Tony was gone and there was no response from Pepper or anyone else, no answers at all and the house had fallen apart into the sea along with their—

He stopped himself before his mind could continue that line of thought. There was still so much he didn’t know, so much that was lost, so much that he had to find out for himself. Staying here wasn’t going to do him any good. He had to go and see things for himself. He couldn’t bring himself to just take what he had seen as truth. Surely there had to be a reason or other for this to happen; he just needed to find out that reason. Surely that was all there was to it.

Bruce made himself take a deep breath, letting himself focus now on what needed to be done. First he had to pack up his things before he could even think about going back to the States. Things settled first, then the travelling later. One step at a time. He could do this. He had to do this. 

Slowly pushing himself back up onto his feet, Bruce noted with dull surprise that there were tear stains on the floor. A quick touch of his face revealed that said stains were coming from _him_. He had been crying and he didn’t even realize that he was crying. If that wasn’t an indication of how out of it he was, then nothing else would. 

He sniffled and used the back of his hand to wipe all of those tears away, ignoring how sticky his face still felt. There were other things to be concerned about beyond a sticky face due to tears. First, packing. Once he finished that, then he could start to move. What he needed now was to move, move back to the States and see what’s happening himself. That was all that mattered right now, and nothing else.

* * *

Compared to Tony, the day that Bruce realizes he has fallen in love with Pepper Potts is a startling one.

Bruce had been persuaded to go to some gala or other because for some reason he couldn’t quite remember now, which meant that it was probably not a reason at all (especially when Tony somehow kept asking Bruce to go to places in his stead with Pepper) or Tony had asked this as a favour. Though if Bruce had to be honest, pretty much everything he was doing now was a favour in some form or fashion. Staying in the tower was a favour, doing work with him in the workshop and lab was a favour. Not turning into the other guy by accident and wrecking his place was kind of a constant favour by itself. 

The gala, as expected, was grand and ostentatious and a place Bruce wouldn’t be going to at all, in any other situation. But here he was in a suit that felt expensive to even touch because Tony wouldn’t let Bruce go without putting on his ridiculously overpriced clothes. Pepper had said it was sadly necessary.

If the clothes weren’t bad enough then the eyes watching him certainly was. Bruce could feel the weight of the gazes from the other guests pinned right onto him, every one of them trying to figure out who it was. In a way the reaction was understandable; all of them probably expected Tony to be here instead, since the two of them _were_ together. The fact that he was here instead with Pepper, well… Bruce didn’t want to think about it. 

He kept himself to the corner as much as he could as Pepper mingled with the guests, eating food that was probably just as expensive as the clothes he was wearing. He had hoped that staying relatively unseen wouldn’t attract any unwanted attention, but unfortunately things never did go the way that he was hoping. He really should have realized this by now, considering everything.

Before he knew it Bruce found himself more or less swarmed by what seemed to be the more unpleasant guests—the gossipers, to put it simply. They came over and surrounded him, making small talk which had no purpose other than to draw out information that they wanted. Bruce wasn’t so blind as to not know the signs, even if he usually knew them through other means. All of them wanted to know where Tony was and why wasn’t he here, and who he was to be seen stepping in here with the famous Pepper Potts.

He tried to fend the questions and the questioners off as much as he could, but they were unrelenting; the questions kept coming, one after another, and Bruce wanted nothing more than to get away from all of this. He wanted all these questions to stop and just be left alone. Surely that wasn’t too much to ask.

As he struggle to keep things amiable in spite of his own growing discomfort Bruce could feel himself starting to get overwhelmed by everything. The wave of questions and people never stopped for some reason, and Bruce felt the edge of panic creeping closer towards him. He needed to get out of here, to catch his breath and have a moment for himself before it became too much…

A gentle hand suddenly rested against his shoulder, and Bruce turned to see Pepper somehow having managed to come to his side. Beside him she felt gentle but firm in some fashion, a welcoming presence that helped to make Bruce feel instantly better. 

“I’m sorry, but I need to borrow Doctor Banner for a moment,” she says in what Bruce knows is her very professional voice, just as warm and charming as Tony’s own. Pepper knows just as well how to command a crowd as Tony, even if they’re both doing it in a different fashion. Hearing her like this, it’s hardly a surprise why she’s CEO, let alone Tony’s significant other. They both are good for each other in more ways than one.

Bruce could see that some of the people weren’t too happy about being interrupted like this, but under Pepper’s pleasant but yet firm expression they back off, knowing better than to cross her path in the wrong way. Soon enough the crowd around them starts to dissipate, and Pepper uses this chance to lead Bruce away. She also hooks her arm around his own as they walk, a move that surprises Bruce but he doesn’t question it—or at least not now. He’s far more concerned with getting his distance from all those other people before they try and start hounding him again. 

It’s hard to tell if Pepper guessed as much, or had already been aware of the situation. Instead of just getting out of the main ballroom like he had thought would happen instead they go all the way out of the whole party itself. Bruce can’t help but blink in surprise when they step out into the cool California night air, the crispness of it a refreshing change after all the time he had been in the ballroom. It takes another moment for him to notice the limousine that’s there, and then a few more seconds from that to realize that it had been the one they had rode in earlier.

Bruce is pretty certain that the surprise must have shown on his face, because Pepper was looking over at him with a smile that seemed more amused than anything else. “It’s late enough that we can leave without any worries,” she explains to him, in a way that isn’t unlike a teacher trying to teach a child—and Bruce supposes that he is a child in the ways of high society, in a manner of speaking. He’s infinitely glad for Pepper’s presence to help him through all of this. 

As glad as he is though, it still doesn’t really explain one thing that boggles him still. “You didn’t have to put your arm like this.” Or at least, he’s pretty certain about that. He’s not exactly sure what all of that was about, either way, and so wants to at least know a reason. That way perhaps he can actually understand better.

Pepper blinks at the question, as if surprised by it, but it only lasts for a moment and then she simply smiles again, except this time it feels more mysterious than comforting. 

“Gossip,” it’s all that she says as she draws her arm away from him, giving his hand a tiny little pat. “It’s always good to keep the rumour mill running about things you have control over.” She pulls back after having said those words, the smile from before remaining on her face still as she turns and walks the last few meters over to the limousine. She nods at the valet, who proceeds to open the door for her, and she gets inside with little difficultly once the way is open for her. 

Bruce stares for a little while more after Pepper gets in, only responding when she gestures to him. He blinks, focusing once more on reality, and then proceeds to get into the limousine after her. He can’t help but feel a little bit foolish once he’s settled in, staring down at his lap as the door closes. The rumble of engines sound for a brief moment after that as the vehicle starts to move before it quietens down and then settles into a constant hum. 

For a while there’s nothing but silence between the two of them, and even though silence is something Bruce usually appreciates this time the silence feels more unsettling rather than comfortable. He shifts his gaze a little, still feeling highly uncertain, but the continued silence eventually unnerves him enough to break it. “I—um…” He starts but then trails off, although it’s still enough for Pepper to hear him she and turns to glance at him again. She doesn’t say anything, but the look on her face is enough for Bruce to continue speaking. “…what did you mean about what you said earlier?”

A slight frown crosses her face as she attempts to put together what Bruce is asking. “Earlier? You mean the part about the rumour mill?”

Bruce nods only after a pause. Pepper’s frown eases into a smile once she gets her confirmation, and she shifts in close again, nearly pressing up Bruce’s side. Strangely, her closeness feels more comfortable than anything, so Bruce doesn’t respond to it. There are other things for him to focus on, anyway. 

“The thing about paparazzi is that they’re always hungry for something,” she begins to say, “And if they don’t have something more often than not they’ll make up something one way or another. Usually it’s harmless, but something things get so out of hand that it’ll affect us too. So this is just one way of making sure that doesn’t happen.”

When it’s put like that, Bruce can see the sense in it far more easily than before. “By giving them something that you’re already aware of,” he mutters, more to himself than to Pepper, but she nods in agreement nonetheless. He thinks about it for a little while; on one hand it is sort of a ‘safe method’ to ensure that the news was reporting stuff you still wanted to be reported about (or simply didn’t care for), but on the other end… it somehow seemed like a rather sad way of doing things, especially when Bruce considered how tiring it must be to constantly keep up everything. He couldn’t even begin to imagine how it was like.

He started to try and say something, bit before he could voice out anything Pepper beat him to it, speaking up first. “I’m sorry if it was uncomfortable for you just now. But I can promise they won’t even remember it after a while. Sooner or later they’ll find something else to talk about.” She paused for a moment after that, seemingly deep in thought, and then adds on after said moment passes. “I’ll make sure to have some interference if people still try to be nosy about it, just to be safe. SI has people who are experts in that.”

Hearing all of that just makes Bruce feel a little guiltier than before, knowing the fact now that Pepper was doing so much for him when he had barely done anything for her and had only inconvenienced her in the party. He really didn’t deserve any of this. “You don’t have to do it.” There was no reason for her to, after all. 

Pepper apparently didn’t seem to agree with him, as evidenced when she shook her head to his words. “It’s the least I can do after tonight, Bruce. Don’t worry about it.” And the thing was that she sounded completely honest about it as well; there was no reason why Bruce couldn’t trust her, or think that she was lying. Pepper was honestly trying to help him even though she didn’t have to, considering the fact that they were sleeping with the same person.

And thinking about that just confuses Bruce even more. Rather than being angry Pepper hadn’t even batted an eyelid on Tony and him sleeping together, and not only that she had remained as a friend to Bruce as well, and if anything became a better one. It was reassuring, having somebody like her close by at any time, but Bruce still wanted to understand why Pepper would do all this when there was no real benefit for herself. 

“Why are you doing this?” he finally brought himself to ask the question. Why was Pepper doing this at all? He needed to understand her reasoning now, more than ever. 

The question seemed to have been something that Pepper was expecting this time round, because she simply blinked when he asked it, and then gave him another smile before answering his question. “I think the question should be, why _wouldn’t_ I do it?”

That was not a response he had been expecting. Bruce stared at Pepper for several moments, knowing that there was a bewildered expression on his face right now but he couldn’t help it; Pepper’s words had stumped him right there and then. What did she mean by that sort of response?

Almost as if Pepper had been preparing herself for this, she continued on explaining herself to Bruce, expanding further on her previous response. “There has never been a reason for me to not help you, especially after all that you’ve done for Tony—as well as for me. A little thing like this is hardly an issue at all.” She reached out and placed her hand on his arm again, her smile turning into something much warmer. “You deserve at least a little help after everything you’ve already given to both of us.”

Bruce frowns at the answer, perplexed by it. “I haven’t given anything.” At least, not anything to his own knowledge, which was why he was confused; just what did Pepper mean with those words?

The smile on Pepper’s face widened just a tad at the response, then, and she gives Bruce’s arm a brief, gentle squeeze. “You’ve given a lot, Bruce. More than you can imagine.”

Pepper sounds pretty damn confusing now and Bruce wonders if he should voice out that opinion, but Pepper fortunately decides to elaborate more for Bruce’s benefit. “You’ve given us your time to stay here, and your trust because you’re still here even after all this time.” 

Bruce had to pause when he heard that. After all, if Pepper put it like that… “I—” he started, a bit at a loss for words.

She continued on before Bruce could interrupt her. “Those are important things to you, aren’t they? So we’re glad that you could manage to extend that to us. That’s why we’re thankful for it.” 

He wasn’t even sure what to say here. “But Tony—”

“He’s better at showing what he wants to say rather than actually saying them.” There’s nothing but warmth in Pepper’s voice, no hint of malice or anger at all. “And I know you’re a good man, Bruce. Whatever Tony wants from you, I’m sure it’ll be something good for him.” 

It was hard to believe all these words that were coming out from her mouth, honestly speaking. Pepper had just so much faith and conviction that to somebody like Bruce—who could never really feel secure—it felt like something of a miracle to see this. And with that amazement also brought forth the desire to know and to understand, to learn this thing which he perhaps would never get for himself. 

“How can you have this much faith?” 

The question tumbles out from Bruce even before he realizes that he’s actually asking it. Pepper gives him a look, seemingly confused for a moment, but that expression soon turns into a smile that’s nothing else but honest as she answers his question. “I love Tony and I know he feels the same for me, but I know that I can’t give him everything that he needs, things that he doesn’t even know that he needs. And I know you have things you need that only he can give you, too.” She pauses then, in contemplation for a moment, and then she squeezes Bruce’s arm one last time. “You’re both good men, Bruce. Other people may not see that, but I do. And I have faith in that goodness inside that others don’t see.”

Those were words that Bruce had not been prepared to hear at all. Just hearing those words reminds him heavily of the things Betty would say to him in the past, constantly telling him how good he really was, and how she would see it even if nobody else would. Pepper was the same in that sense; able to see the good in Tony when others wouldn’t, and now she was doing the same to him as well. Bruce didn’t know if he deserved that kind of… _goodness_ , that level of trust and openness, especially when he couldn’t give the same back to her in turn—

His thoughts came to a complete halt the moment he began that line of thought as his mind tried to struggle with something that was abruptly coming together now. Bruce found himself wanting to give back to Pepper, wanting her to be happy as well so that she could be part of his life too because even though he was inadequate he wanted her to have things too, things that he could give her somehow, things that they could share…

The further those thoughts went the faster the pieces came together, and Bruce realized then, with a horrible feeling in his gut, that he had, somehow, fallen in love with Pepper Potts as well. 

Once the realization came Bruce felt as if his blood had turned to ice, his heart had transformed into glass that shattered into a million pieces inside of him. He had somehow fallen in love with two people he shouldn’t love at all, because not only were they _together_ , there was no reason why they would take in somebody as terrible as him. He, who tried to abstain himself from anything because he wanted everything that he could have; this was his greed, the same greed that had already destroyed his life once and now would come to destroy it again. He truly was the worst person alive.

“Bruce?” Pepper’s voice brings him back to reality and Bruce finds himself staring at her, watching her expression cloud over in worry as she looks at him. “Are you alright?”

He’ll never be alright, Bruce thinks to himself, but then again it’s pretty much the story of his life now. He’s never truly alright with the Hulk inside of him, but it’s all he can do to make do, just as he does with the rest of his life, and with this. He’ll make do with what he has and that will be enough for him. 

“Yeah,” he returns after a pause, doing his best to smile for her. “I’m fine. Don’t worry about me.”

Pepper’s own returning smile is wry. “It’s hard not to.”

The words don’t mean anything but it still feels as if a knife had twisted itself into his gut, and that pain remains there even late in the night, when Bruce’s has his things packed and steps out of the Tower with said bag in hand, eyes looking up to the nearly invisible penthouse. Up there Tony and Pepper are together in their own perfect world, a perfect couple whose happiness Bruce can never bring himself to mar. He’s intruded on them for long enough as it is; he has to leave now, before he ruins everything with his own two hands.

Bruce lets himself stare up for a moment more before he forces himself to turn and walk away, telling himself to move on with every step he takes away from the building and back towards the life he had before any of this. For a person like him all he can do is to make do with what he’s given. That’s enough for him, and also for the best. He shouldn’t ask for anything more.

Tony and Pepper have each other. That’s all that they need.

* * *

The way back to the States had perhaps been one of the most anxious events in Bruce’s entire life. He had gotten back as fast as he could after seeing the news, taking the first bus he could back to the capital and then the first flight from there. The plane had been cramped and utterly terrible and Bruce hadn’t dared to fall asleep at all, afraid of what might pop up in his dreams. Last thing he wanted was to lose it with a whole bunch of innocent people so high up in the air. 

By the time he arrived in New York Bruce was buzzing with far more coffee than he had drunk in the last ten years in his life. Every part of him felt nervous and jumpy and twitchy and Bruce could barely feel himself at all, but he made himself walk past the arrivals and then out to the taxi stand. When he steps out he sees many people with newspapers in their hands. At least he doesn’t pay much attention to them, but then he hears somebody nearby talking about Iron Man and his attention is instantly drawn to him. Bruce turns to the group of people who are muttering among themselves, and he hears snippets of conversation that apparently include Iron Man saving the president or something like that. The words themselves didn’t really matter now. What really mattered now was…

Bruce glances around and finds an abandoned copy of today’s paper on a seat nearby, and goes to pick it up. Right there, on the front page, was a photo of Iron Man hovering above a group of people in the water. The picture is blurry but still unmistakable, and right above it were the captions _IRON MAN SAVES AIR FORCE ONE._

He feels his legs starting to give way when he sees the caption. Bruce barely manages to get himself to settle on the seat he had taken the paper from, and smoothens the crumpled page with a trembling hand. The words of the article below become far more legible after that, and Bruce glances through them, reading it briefly. 

_Tony Stark, presumed dead after the destruction of his Malibu house, was seen yesterday evening saving staff and crew of the hijacked Air Force One. It is still unknown who is exactly the perpetrator but investigating officials say…_

Bruce doesn’t really read anything much beyond that because he can feel every part of him threatening to just collapse on the spot now if it hadn’t been for the fact that he was already sitting down. Tony was alive. He was alive and well and that was good. But there was still nothing about Pepper…

He doesn’t allow himself to rest. Once Bruce feels like he can move again he forces himself up and goes to take a taxi down to the Tower. As it drives down the roads Bruce notices that the place seemed to have changed a lot the last time he was here, although that could be because the city was still under reconstruction when he left. If he were in a better state of mind he would appreciate it better, but right now he just feels jittery and burned out. 

It feels like an eternity before the taxi finally arrives at his destination. Once it reaches Bruce gives the driver whatever money he had left in his wallet and gets out, squinting under the strong afternoon sun. A part of him feels like doing nothing more than lie down and sleep forever, but before he can do that he has to see it for himself. Has to see that Tony is alive, and Pepper as well. He can never forgive himself if one of them is dead. 

The reception doesn’t bat an eye to Bruce’s rumpled form when he steps in, only greats him politely and directs him to the private elevator. He steps into it and feels his body humming with nervous energy as he’s brought up to the penthouse. How was Tony? Was he alright? Was Pepper okay—

The familiar chime of the elevator cuts Bruce out from his thoughts as the door opens again, and right before him stands Tony, who looks as if he’s just somehow run a marathon up here. 

For a moment neither of them speak, doing nothing more except to stare at each other. Any words that Bruce had in his throat dies before he can even voice them out. Now that he’s actually here Bruce finds himself at a loss, not knowing what to do or say at all. Just over twenty four hours ago he had thought that Tony was dead, and now…

Eventually Tony is the one who breaks the silence between them. “You… You should probably step out of there.”

It takes a moment for Bruce to realize that he’s still standing inside of the elevator. He steps out, and then nearly crumples on the spot because his legs no longer feel like holding him up. Fortunately Tony catches him before he can fall to the ground, pulling Bruce in to lean against him as he swears softly. “Jesus, Banner. What happened to you?”

All Bruce can do is to let out a weak laugh in response, the sound muffled against Tony’s arm. “Tired. Just tired.” He manages out weakly; he feels especially light-headed now that the anxiety has gone away. It’s all he can do to not just fall to the floor entirely and bring down Tony with him. 

On the other end, Tony stays silent for a few telling moments, holding Bruce up for several more seconds before he finally speaks up. “C’mon, let’s get you to bed.” 

He starts to move after saying that, half-dragging Bruce along with him, and Bruce would feel bad about not being so cooperative in any other case but now that he can lean into Tony’s warm body it’s like his own body refuses to work properly. He can’t help but soak in every point of contact that he has with Tony, all the signs that tell Bruce that Tony is indeed alive, without a doubt. Tony’s alive. That’s half of the worry taken care of… and that brings him to the other half of his worry. “Where’s Pepper?” he manages out.

The answer only comes after another moment. “Safe. Don’t worry about her.”

That was… good. “Good,” Bruce finds himself saying aloud, his usual brain to mouth filter not really working due to exhaustion. “Couldn’t call any of you when I saw the news. I…”

Tony cuts in there before Bruce can continue. “Yeah, well. It was kind of a hectic few days.” His voice seems amused, at least. “I’ll tell you about it later, once you’ve rested.”

Bruce nods absently to the words, all his energy gone now that both of his main concerns had been settled and lets Tony lead the rest of the way. Eventually they make it all the way to his room even though Bruce doesn’t quite remember _how_ , and Tony helps Bruce down to the bed when they’re there. Whatever remaining energy Bruce had instantly disappears when he lies down onto the mattress; suddenly all he can think about is to sleep for a million years and nothing else. He lets out a loud yawn and turns to his side, eyes already slipping shut. He can still somewhat make out Tony standing next to him, and that should probably mean something but he’s too tired to think, too tired to do anything beyond sleep. 

For a long while there is nothing but silence and peace, everything calm enough that Bruce feels himself drifting off, but before he does actually drift off a disturbance happens from the other side of his bed. Bruce starts to turn around and try to see what’s going on, but before he can do so there’s a warm body pressed up against his back, and even in his state of tiredness it doesn’t take much for him to realize who it is. 

“Y’don’t have to stay,” he slurs, coherency already taking a hit—not that Bruce has been entirely coherent through the entire time that he was on the way back. But at least this was from tiredness and not anything else. 

Tony, stubborn as ever, doesn’t listen to anything that Bruce says. “Just go and sleep,” is all that he says instead, and then rests a hand on his head, fingers gently combing through his hair. 

Within moments Bruce feels his tiredness expanding. His head feels fuzzy, his mind drowsy with sudden fatigue. Bruce feels his body quickly relaxing with every movement of Tony’s hand in his hair, the sensation lulling him into a feeling of security. It’s probably the fatigue getting to him, but wrapped up like this, with Tony petting his head like that, Bruce almost feels like he’s being loved.

His eyes slide shut once more; in the darkness behind his closed eyelids he vaguely hears Tony muttering something under his breath, words which he’s far too tired to make out. But considering how Tony is still lying down and touching him like this he guesses that it’s nothing bad, and so he lets himself stop thinking about it. He’s too tired to think now, anyway.

In between his own tiredness and Tony petting him like that, it doesn’t take long at all before Bruce drifts off entirely, feeling in that one moment that perhaps he was being cared for after all.

* * *

He met Betty a grand total of one time after the battle of New York.

It wasn’t exactly the kind of meeting that one would ever plan for; they bumped into each other by pure accident in the supermarket. Bruce had been getting groceries for the Tower (despite Tony’s protests and undisguised disgust of Bruce actually taking the time to shop) when he came across her when they ended up queueing for the same cashier. Needless to say it was something neither of them really expected. 

Still, the initial meeting was amiable, their greetings fond and warm towards one another. Betty invited him for a meal at the nearby Starbucks and Bruce accepted it, and after paying for their respective items they walked over together to said Starbucks. It wasn’t past office hours yet, so the crowd wasn’t too bad—something that Bruce was grateful for.

It’s only after they sit down and order their drinks then did the awkwardness start to happen; the feeling comes out from nowhere and suddenly Bruce can only stare at the table, unable to stop himself from fiddling with his hands. While it wasn’t as if he didn’t want to see her again, at the same time he wasn’t entirely prepared for this, especially considering how he had left her the last time. He knew it hadn’t been fair at all to her. 

Betty is the one who breaks the silence. “You look well, Bruce.”

“I—yeah.” Bruce fiddles with his hands a bit more, and then glances up at Betty and manages a smile of his own. “You look well too.”

Betty gives him a smile that’s pleased but yet melancholic at the same time. “I saw the news. I’m glad you’re doing well.” She reaches a hand out, placing it on top of one of his own, and the gesture is enough to make Bruce stop fumbling them as he stares down at them this time.

It takes a moment before Bruce can find his voice. “Betty, I…”

She squeezes his hand before he can continue. “Don’t apologize,” she says, voice quiet but insistent. “You did the best you could back then. You have nothing to be sorry for.”

He stares back up at her again, his expression pained. “I put you in danger, Betty.” If that was one thing Bruce could never forgive himself for, it would be that. The last thing he ever wanted for anybody close to him was to be in danger because of him. Because of the Other Guy. And Betty had already been through enough—she didn’t need more.

“That was already a long time ago, Bruce,” she returns with a shake of her head. “And I’m fine now, aren’t I? Don’t dwell on it anymore.” She squeezes his hand one more time before she draws back, keeping them on her side once more. Bruce tries not to follow them, or to see the golden band around her ring finger. 

Betty—smart, sharp, clever and wonderful Betty—already notices where he’s glancing at, and gives Bruce another smile. “It’s Raymond, in case you’re wondering, from back in college. The ceremony was about three months ago.”

It only takes a bit for Bruce to put the name to a face. “He’s a good guy,” Bruce returns, nodding. “Congratulations.” Even as he says that Bruce feels a bit of himself feeling—well, a whole mess of things, honestly. Betty moving on was what he had always hoped for her, but now that the reality is there it’s still hard to take in. She’s moved on, but in a way, he hasn’t at all. He’s still that same person clinging onto past memories and dreams, cut off from the world, still trying to get back in. The realization is disquieting. 

Bruce loses himself for a while, stuck in his own thoughts, only coming out of them when Betty speaks again, asking him another question. “Where are you staying now, Bruce?”

It comes out sudden enough for Bruce to fumble a little. “I, uh. The Tower,” he pauses for a moment, and then realizes he should probably make it clearer. “Stark Tower.”

“With Tony Stark?” she asks, surprise in her voice. Bruce realizes that she must have remembered his childish dream of meeting with Tony, back in the past when he had been so much more foolish and arrogant. He nods, feeling somewhat sheepish now, though he’s surprised by her following answer. “I’m glad you finally get to meet him. Is he anything like the papers?”

This time Bruce shakes his head. “Not really. But the papers aren’t fully lying, either.” Underneath all of those things Tony likes to show are the things he doesn’t show that much, and that’s the part that Bruce admires about him now. Long ago it had been about the fame and wealth and fortune, but those were dreams of a life that is no longer his. 

A new life. That’s what Bruce feels he has to come to terms with as he continues to chat with Betty. It feels almost like old times again, except that they’re no longer together and as much as he tries not to think about it, the way they treat each other is different now. There’s a lingering touch or smile that they give to each other sometimes, but otherwise the conversation is between two old friends rather than the lovers they were in the past. It’s nothing bad, but Bruce can feel the gap that stretches between them now, one that perhaps can never be filled up again. 

They talk for about a good hour before Betty notices the time and says that she has to make a move. Bruce says it’s no problem and helps her carry her things over to her car, putting her bags inside.

“Are you sure you don’t need a lift?” Betty asks once Bruce’s helped her put the last bag in, keys in her hand. 

Bruce simply shakes his head in response. “The Tower’s not far from here.” And besides, Bruce guesses that he probably needs the walk. 

Betty nods, and then before Bruce can start to move she suddenly throws her arms around him in a hug, pulling him in close. Bruce tenses for a moment, taken aback by the abrupt action, but soon relaxes and returns the hug, a last gesture of closeness between them.

“I’m really glad that you’re alright,” she mutters, just loud enough for Bruce to hear. He nods against her shoulder and holds her tight, relishing this last gesture. The two of them stay like this for a minute more before they finally draw back, and Betty kisses his cheek before they pull away entirely, giving him a smile.

“Take care of yourself, alright?” she says, “I’m glad I got to see you again.”

Bruce returns her smile with his own. “Me too,” he responds, and at least this time his words are honest and true. No matter what, he’s glad that he could see Betty again. “And you take care of yourself as well.”

She nods and turns to her car, getting in as Bruce picks up his own bags. He walks away as he hears the rumble of the engine start, and by the time he’s gotten out the sound is gone, and there’s nothing to even show that the car had even been here. 

For a while he just stares back in the direction of where the car had been, his mind filled with thoughts once again. Betty was fine, was well and good and he is happy, but at the same time there’s a sadness that he can’t tune away entirely. From now on Betty has a life without him, a life where she doesn’t have to worry about monsters and people like him. Bruce can’t help but envy her a little. No matter what he does, he can never escape from his life. There is, perhaps, some sort of irony to that which he can’t help but feel.

* * *

It takes a good few months before things finally settle back into some form of normalcy with Tony and Pepper in the Tower. Tony had sort of relayed to him the full story of what had happened (after Bruce fell asleep several times through the entire thing, a fact that he was sorry for once the initial exasperation passed) and together they had worked out how to get Extremis out of Pepper and also ensure Tony’s full recovery from his heart operation. Those two alone had taken up a lot of time, but in a way it was perhaps for the better—once all these events were out of the way the initial awkwardness he felt upon his return seemed to have at least eased up a bit, and Bruce didn’t feel as guilty as he had in the beginning on his initial return when he was with them. 

Of course, he had expected the question of his departure to pop up eventually, but he didn’t think it would come up while they were having Chinese takeout for dinner. 

“So, Banner. Why did you leave us back then?”

Bruce looks up from his plate of shrimp dumplings, surprise on his face. Beside Tony he could see Pepper looking at him as well, her own expression questioning. This really had not been the way he had expected things to go. “I—”

“Your answer better not be something like ‘it’s not safe’ because I swear I will kick you, Hulk or not.”

Pepper shushes Tony with a smack on his shoulder. “Let him speak, Tony.” She turns to Bruce after that, her expression as gentle as her voice. “It’s fine if you don’t want to tell us, Bruce. But we just want to know why.”

He knows that perhaps letting them know was not the best decision, but after everything that had happened, and what they’ve been through, he figures that they should at least be aware of the situation. “It’s just—” he starts, hesitant, slowly putting down his chopsticks so that he doesn’t drop them or something. “I didn’t want to ruin your relationship.”

Tony frowns. “Didn’t we already say it was okay?”

Bruce shakes his head. “It’s not just that, it’s…” he trails off, and he can’t quite stop himself from looking at Pepper, his lips pursed together. He had thought that being away would change things, but yet he still has feelings for Pepper, even as he harbours feelings for Tony at the same time. He still can’t quite wrap his head around the feeling, but at least enough time has passed that he can be sensible about this.

Pepper looks back at him, confused for a moment, but then somehow she seems to get it because something clicks in her expression and then she’s laughing, a hand over her mouth as she leans into Tony.

Tony at least seems just as confused as Bruce is, turning to look at Pepper with a perplexed look on his face. “Pep? What’s wrong? Why are you laughing like this? Was there laughing powder in the food or something—”

She cuts him off with a shake of her head, quickly calming back down soon after that. She straightens up and glances to Tony, then leans in once more and whispers something in his ear. Bruce watches as Tony’s face lights up for a brief moment before he, too, bursts into laughter, and Bruce finds himself very confused.

“…what’s going on?” he can’t help but ask. Just what was Tony and Pepper finding so funny?

Tony takes a longer while before he can calm back down himself enough to speak. “It’s just—god—it would have saved everyone so much trouble.” Before he can explain any further he puts his own chopsticks down and the reaches over the table for Bruce, taking his hands. Tony holds one of his hands and to Bruce’s surprise, passes the other to Pepper, who holds it too. 

Bruce stares in surprise as they each hold one of his hands, the gesture small but still significant, the realization of it slowly sinking into him. “Oh.” _Oh._

The both of them smile back at him in return. “Yep,” says Tony, who looks like he wants to laugh again judging by the twinkling in his eyes. “We’ve both had our eyes on you for a while. Well, me longer than Pepper, but she was quickly swayed by your gentlemanly charms.”

“We didn’t want to scare you off, so we tried to take it slow,” Pepper continued, “Or well, I did once Tony apparently decided to stop waiting.” She sends a look towards Tony then, who simply gives an unapologetic shrug in response. 

That was one matter cleared, Bruce supposes, but now it brings up another one. “How would it work?”

“However you’d like it to work,” Tony answers instantly, giving his hand a squeeze. “Between the three of us, we’ll work it out.”

Pepper smiles once more, and squeezes his hand as well. “Yes,” she agrees. “We’ll make it work.”

Bruce thinks about the time he spent with them, the joy of working with Tony and going to dinners with Pepper, how nice it had been to be with them like that. He wouldn’t mind more of them, he knows, and perhaps with… any other things they had in mind, although Bruce still isn’t sure how it will all work. But he has time now. He most certainly has time.

He looks at the both of them one more time, and nods. “Yeah,” he replies, with a smile of his own, “sure.”

With the three of them together, they’ll make things work somehow.


End file.
